Of loyalty and picking up pieces
by OliviaH123
Summary: My take on what the conversation about Agravaine's betrayal should have looked like. One-shot.


**AN** : _So this is just my take on what the conversation about Agravaine's betrayal might look like. I feel like that didn't really get enough attention in the show. It was mentioned, and then they all moved on to other stuff really quickly. This is just a one-shot featuring Arthur's feelings on the matter, and how Merlin helps him feel better about it. No slash, just friendship. Enjoy! Also, criticism is welcome. As long as it's instructive. :)_

It was almost funny, the number of times Arthur had been left behind.

In fact, he might have felt inclined to laugh if it wasn't so depressing. He consistently seemed to find himself in the position where the people he cared about the most felt the need to leave him. It happened in a lot of different ways. The most common method being betrayal. But in the end, the result was always the same.

They were gone, and he was left alone.

And now, sitting next to a fire in the forest, a fugitive from his own kingdom, Arthur was faced with the nagging doubt that it must be his fault.

He knew it was irrational to blame himself, and that they were all people who had made their own choices. But it seemed like the only plausible explanation for the sheer number of people he had accumulated over the years.

Whether it was his mother, who died giving birth to him, or his many childhood friends who were only ever by his side for the connections that came with knowing the prince. Morgana, who had been corrupted in her hatred of Uther, Agravaine, who sought for power by masquerading as a friend, or his own father, who had abandoned him when he needed him most.

Even Gwen had left him, her betrayal the night before their wedding still a sharp and painful reminder of the pattern his life seemed to follow.

The only person who had never left him was Merlin.

The cheeky, cheerful, insubordinate manservant somehow always managed to never leave. Sure, he would disappear for a few days, but Arthur always knew he would come back. He didn't really understand why he put so much faith in his servant, -even going so far as to think of him as a _friend-_ or when he had come to trust him so completely, but he had come to an understanding with himself in the years since he had met Merlin.

 _Never doubt the trust given to you by the strange young man, and never ever, let him know that he means so much to you._

The first rule was the most important. Because when Merlin believed in him, Arthur believed in himself. It was almost subconscious at this point. The trust and value he gave to Merlin's opinions. It seemed his manservant had unwavering faith that Arthur would always come out on top and sometimes, at the end of the day, that's the only thing that really kept Arthur going. The knowledge that someone could believe in him so genuinely and completely.

Even, - _especially_ \- when Arthur didn't believe in himself.

The second had more to do with his pride than anything else. Though there was a distinct element of Merlins safety involved in it too. If people knew that they could get to Arthur through Merlin, life would become a lot more complicated than it was. (Of course, Arthur couldn't know just how complicated Merlin's life was already, not to mention the fact that everyone was already well aware of the bond the best friends shared.)

And that lead him right back to the beginning. To the fact that Merlin hadn't _left_.

Arthur knew he wasn't a very good friend, and the situation looking as it did from his point of view, it was a wonder that Merlin was still there for him after five years. The young man's unwavering loyalty could honestly be a little bit unsettling, and Arthur was constantly left wondering after the puzzle that was Merlin. Now, sitting at the fire, left with a million more important things to consider, the future of his kingdom for one, Arthur was surprised at the admission of his feelings. Even if it was only to himself. Looking up from the swirling orange and yellow flames, his gaze settled on the man sitting across from him.

Merlin. Still there. Even when he had lost everything.

Sighing, and shifting slightly on the ground, Arthur brought his legs up and rested his chin on his knees. Wrapping his arms around himself in a decidedly unkingly posture. Closing his eyes for a moment, Arthur prepared himself to finally ask the question that had been bothering him since he found out about Agravaine's betrayal two days ago. Steeling himself, and forcing his eyes open, Arthur let his question slip out before he could change his mind.

"How long have you known about Agravaine?"

It was said quietly, and with feigned indifference, but Arthur knew his desperation was leaking out at the seems, the unspoken question hanging in the air between them like a thick blanket. _How long have I been fooling myself into not seeing whats right in front of me?_

Merlin sat for a few moments, his face betraying nothing, before whispering so quietly that Arthur almost didn't hear.

"Since the beginning."

 _Since the beginning._ Agravaine was _always_ corrupt, and Arthur had been playing a fool for the last two years. Desperately, he pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to dispel the thought. Somehow still shocked, but not surprised. Agravaine, that _viper_ , had been tainting his court for _two years_ and he hadn't even noticed.

And Merlin had?

"How did you know?" Were the next words that came, unbidden, from his mouth. "How did you find out he was a traitor?"

"I didn't really _know_ ," Was Merlin's soft reply."Not for a while at least. At first, it was just this _feeling_ , and eventually, I noticed a lot of little things that all added together. I guess I didn't like him from the beginning, so I was more careful about him."

Arthur almost rolled his eyes, because of _course,_ Merlin would base his dislike and mistrust of Agravaine on a _feeling_. It was such a very _Mer_ lin thing to do.

The lighthearted thoughts vanished just as quickly as they came, and Arthur was left with a deep sense of hopelessness. How was he supposed to run a kingdom, to be responsible for thousands of people, if he couldn't even tell his own uncle was evil. Merlin had _tried to tell him_ Agravaine was no good, but Arthur wouldn't listen. And now his subjects were suffering for it.

"Don't."

The sharp sound of Merlin's voice broke through Arthurs thoughts, and he gave his manservant's determined face a questioning glance.

"I know your beating yourself up about Agravaine, and I'm telling you to stop." Was Merlin's curt reply. "You already carry enough guilt around, and there's no reason to pile on more. Whats done is done, no use regretting it, and anyone in your position would have acted the same way. He was the only family you had left. Besides, Agravaine fooled everyone. He was a good liar. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens to you because it's _not your fault._ "

Merlin's somewhat angry tirade fell on unbelieving ears. Hunching his shoulders, arms still curled into himself, Arthur finally met Merlin's gaze head-on for the first time since they had started the conversation. Breathing deeply, he allowed his guilt, anger, and pain to show on his face as he voiced his biggest fear.

"But what if it _is_ my fault?"

To his surprise, Merlin just sighed, rubbing his face before leaning back on his elbows and looking Arthur in the eye again.

"If you really believe that," he said slowly as if talking to a child. "Than your a bigger Dollophead then I thought you were."

The answer, so honest and unexpected, made Arthur laugh. And suddenly, sitting around the campfire, he found he didn't mind Agravaines betrayal all that much anymore. Because he had his best friend with him.

And Merlin was never going to leave him behind.


End file.
